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What to do when your child brings home the poor kid.

classwarfare
From Chapter 15

‘Outings with the friend’

Editors Note:  The following is an excerpt from the New york times bestseller ‘What to do if your child brings home the poor kid’ by Gloria  H.G Hammond
Published by Fun Sized™ Publishing Press paper books, Portland, Oregon © 2013
 
 
 

As discussed thoroughly last chapter, there are many reasonable ways of avoiding the responsibility and confusion of taking both your child, and their disadvantaged friend with you on your daily errands (My favorite being the “broken” booster seat).  If these fail you, don’t panic!  If handled correctly, your outing can actually be entirely survivable.

First off, in a retail environment there are many situations that will arise that bring attention to the fact that your kid’s new friend probably doesn’t get whatever they ask for on a daily basis.  Knowing this from the get go will be invaluable in making sure your own offspring does not question their notion of entitlement and bring up awkward conversations about the value of money and inequality.

Your kid’s friend will no doubt meander through the store as they would with their own parents, with their hands at their sides, assuming there’s only one day a year they could ever expect to obtain a toy or a pair of new shoes. This will arise suspicion almost immediately within the ignorantly privileged consciousness of your child, so don’t let it ruin the day!   I have a treasure trove of great ideas to sidetrack the curious minds from drifting to a meaningful discussion about class in America, but a few of my favorites are:

♦ Just say “Everything in the store is free today”  -This neutralizes any discussion about the value of commodities, and leaves your child’s innocent mind free of any grounding truths.

♦ SEPARATE!  -In some cases, you might have your spouse or significant other with you, and its possible to divert the disadvantaged friend from your own child temporarily and let your kid fulfill every usual request and desire out of view.

♦ “Return Policy” – While in the store just purchase multiples of every toy for your child, and their friend.  Both children are disillusioned long enough to not ask any questions for the day, and then simply return the second set of toys after dropping of the friend at home and politely explaining the situation to the underprivileged kid,  just out of earshot of your child.

There are many, many more ideas out there, but these will get you started.  Besides the complications arising from all the stuff you are seen buying for your child to maintain the status quo, one of the things you will need to master is changing the tides of their conversations.  Its amazing how quickly the poor children will proudly slip in that their grandparents bought them a jump rope for Christmas, or the casual admission they are not familiar with popular brands like Barbie™ and/or power wheels™.   These things normally might inspire a “huh”, “what” or “why” from your possession laden offspring, but if you are quick to act with several bags of fruit snacks, or a jar of peanut butter for them to share it will buy you some time to rework the conversation in your favor.

I do have to mention one thing that happens to come up allot in my experience, and that is the inevitable question from the friend to your naive spoiled child “Is it your birthday?”.  This must be answered with a “Yes” to avoid suspicion, but wait!  You must be prepared with cake to complete the rouse, and it is always a safe bet to keep one in your car or purse just in case.

Above all, the most important thing to remember is, Don’t change up your routine!  Kids are smart, and they will sense if we are unreasonably depriving them of normality to accommodate their less fortunate friend.  If you read through this entire book, with a little luck your child will be tucked in bed at night, knowing in their head that EVERY little boy and little girl gets whatever they want, no matter what.

 

 

 

 

 

Birthday Card #1

I was inspired to create an interesting birthday card the other day, one that a kid might take at least a second look at before the usual shake for money/checks. Enjoy!

Birtdhay card hallmark fry kid deep fried onion rings birtdhay

New Fun Sized! Episode 74

Dora explorer swiper no swiping stealing shoplifting disney nickelodion fun sized comics parenting

Well, its been a long while since I have posted a comic, but I am going to start really slow with about one a week and go from there.  Keep posted, and thanks for reading!

September 21, 2011 #50!

Whew!   Made it to fifty episodes and it feels great.  My goal as of right now is to continue nonstop for 1 year and see where it takes me.   Thank you everybody for reading my comics and thank you Kesh for helping out with coloring these and being supportive <3   And of course to Grandma’s on both sides for keeping up daily!

fun sized comics funny parenting comic couple on couch hearing husband can take pregnancy pain away

Episode 50

September 12, 2011 #45

Only five more to go to fifty episodes, its been really fun so far!     Its a little late, but Happy birthday to my brother this Saturday!

fun sized comic cartoon dad and son wiping boogers under table hypocricy

Episode 45

August 31, 2011 #37

Fun sized comic cartoon dad with kids pestering mom to buy big screen lcd tv plasma

Episode 37

August 29, 2011 #35

Its been a whole week with ought comics, but I got in a little vacation down to California and some family time so I’m ready to start it up again!

fun sized comic cartoon corporate meeting marketing to back to school using bully to intimidate

Episode 35

August 19, 2011 #34

Another week over, see everybody on Monday with #35!

fun sized comic cartoon funny television cardboard on head as babysitter

Episode 34

August 15, 2011 #30

 

fun sized comics cartoon two guys in a bar talking about random gifts for wives and the minimum purchase

Episode 30

Happy… Monday..     Made it to 30,  on the way to 50 episodes!    I am still working on the kids book, but its a slow process I am finding out.  Enjoy today’s comic.

August 12, 2011 #29

And an end to a crazy week finally, ready for a nice relaxing weekend thinking up another 5 days of comics!

fun sized comic cartoon kid colors book badly while mom colors page perfectly argue insues

Episode 29

August 11, 2011 #28

fun sized comic cartoon kids around water cooler chocolate milk budget cuts corporate

Episode 28

August 3, 2011 #24

fun sized comic cartoon mom dad using baby wipes as toilet paper

Episode 24

 

Half way through the week, two more to go before the weekend!  I’ll soon have some pictures of the book up as they get colorized.

July 28, 2011 #20

Fun Sized comic cartoon Dressed by dad and daughter shop for mismatched clothes

Episode 20

Made it to 20 episodes!   This one was actually inspired by a real idea I had to open a store for dads to shop for their kids easily, quickly and with no sense of matching and style whatsoever.

July 27, 2011 #19

Fun sized comic cartoon stasis field technology keeps son in time out space continuum

Episode 19

On more to go to get to 20 Episodes,  Head over to our Facebook page and like us, Ill be giving away a couple Dutch Bro’s gift cards when I get to 50 likes!  Thanks for reading! (Facebook Like button on your right)

 

July 22, 2011 #16

Three weeks up, almost a month done and over with!

Fun sized comic cartoon two toddlers talking about playing with cardboard boxes

 

July 21, 2011 #15

This is yet another shopping.. grocery store related comic, and if anybody was wondering I used to work in a little grocery store for about 5 years so for some reason my best ideas happen to take place there.  I will try to relocate to some more interesting venues in the future I promise.

Fun sized comic cartoon mother in grocery store with cart full of stuff just for baby to play with