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What to do when your child brings home the poor kid.

classwarfare
From Chapter 15

‘Outings with the friend’

Editors Note:  The following is an excerpt from the New york times bestseller ‘What to do if your child brings home the poor kid’ by Gloria  H.G Hammond
Published by Fun Sized™ Publishing Press paper books, Portland, Oregon © 2013
 
 
 

As discussed thoroughly last chapter, there are many reasonable ways of avoiding the responsibility and confusion of taking both your child, and their disadvantaged friend with you on your daily errands (My favorite being the “broken” booster seat).  If these fail you, don’t panic!  If handled correctly, your outing can actually be entirely survivable.

First off, in a retail environment there are many situations that will arise that bring attention to the fact that your kid’s new friend probably doesn’t get whatever they ask for on a daily basis.  Knowing this from the get go will be invaluable in making sure your own offspring does not question their notion of entitlement and bring up awkward conversations about the value of money and inequality.

Your kid’s friend will no doubt meander through the store as they would with their own parents, with their hands at their sides, assuming there’s only one day a year they could ever expect to obtain a toy or a pair of new shoes. This will arise suspicion almost immediately within the ignorantly privileged consciousness of your child, so don’t let it ruin the day!   I have a treasure trove of great ideas to sidetrack the curious minds from drifting to a meaningful discussion about class in America, but a few of my favorites are:

♦ Just say “Everything in the store is free today”  -This neutralizes any discussion about the value of commodities, and leaves your child’s innocent mind free of any grounding truths.

♦ SEPARATE!  -In some cases, you might have your spouse or significant other with you, and its possible to divert the disadvantaged friend from your own child temporarily and let your kid fulfill every usual request and desire out of view.

♦ “Return Policy” – While in the store just purchase multiples of every toy for your child, and their friend.  Both children are disillusioned long enough to not ask any questions for the day, and then simply return the second set of toys after dropping of the friend at home and politely explaining the situation to the underprivileged kid,  just out of earshot of your child.

There are many, many more ideas out there, but these will get you started.  Besides the complications arising from all the stuff you are seen buying for your child to maintain the status quo, one of the things you will need to master is changing the tides of their conversations.  Its amazing how quickly the poor children will proudly slip in that their grandparents bought them a jump rope for Christmas, or the casual admission they are not familiar with popular brands like Barbie™ and/or power wheels™.   These things normally might inspire a “huh”, “what” or “why” from your possession laden offspring, but if you are quick to act with several bags of fruit snacks, or a jar of peanut butter for them to share it will buy you some time to rework the conversation in your favor.

I do have to mention one thing that happens to come up allot in my experience, and that is the inevitable question from the friend to your naive spoiled child “Is it your birthday?”.  This must be answered with a “Yes” to avoid suspicion, but wait!  You must be prepared with cake to complete the rouse, and it is always a safe bet to keep one in your car or purse just in case.

Above all, the most important thing to remember is, Don’t change up your routine!  Kids are smart, and they will sense if we are unreasonably depriving them of normality to accommodate their less fortunate friend.  If you read through this entire book, with a little luck your child will be tucked in bed at night, knowing in their head that EVERY little boy and little girl gets whatever they want, no matter what.

 

 

 

 

 

Easter Sunday Episode 77

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Sorry, WordPress was acting funny for a bit, so this got posted a little late. Happy Easter anyways!

December 16, 2011 #72

Happy Birthday to my awesome wife!  Love ya Kesh!    Anyway, It’s been a long while since I’ve posted, but to be fair, I do have a brand new baby daughter to worry about so I get a little bit of leeway as far as excuses go.  I can’t say I am jumping right in with daily comics again, but as a sign of my intentions, I thought I would take some time to draw one up and post it.  Enjoy, And Merry Xmas to all!

Fun sized comics funny parenting cartoon caveman old days dinosaurs kid with ADD ADHD

Episode 72

 

November 7, 2011 #69

Late, as usual.  I thought this was a brilliant idea, and should definitly be a real thing.  Imagine the markup companies could charge for releasing consumers of the guilt of wasting?

fun sized funny parenting comic kraft foods wasting stuff families chips drinks products

Episode 69

October 31, 2011 #68

Happy Halloween everybody!  Stay safe and enjoy taking to the streets for free sugar, I know I will.  My daughter is donning a nice bumble bee costume this year antenna and all.

Fun sized funny parenting comic halloween 2011 FDA regulations cigerette ads nasty mouth picture rotting

Episode 68

October 26, 2011 #67

Here is today’s episode!   Things have been hectic as our baby is expected any day now, so be warned of service interruptions in the coming days and weeks that I will no doubt apologize for as they come.  Thanks for reading!   On another note, I am looking into doing a possible animated short episode now and then to supplement the daily comic, and who knows it might turn into a regular thing!

fun sized funny parenting comic two brothers talking about vitamins and DHA pills gothic looser goodie two shoes

Episode 67

October 24, 2011 #65

It’s been about a full week since the last episode, sorry to all who check for updates!   School and raising kids, as well as doing a daily strip don’t mix quite well sometimes.  If you like Fun Sized, please tell a friend!  Its the best motivation in the world having readers and feedback.  I should be consistent this week!

Fun sized funny parenting comic slug sprinkling salt on fries after being tortured

Episode 65

October 17, 2011 #64

If anybody noticed, I did miss a few days last week, but I had a busy one.  But I was able to make a comic today, although it is almost midnight..   By the way, be sure to check out the ‘Chemeketa Courier’  if your in Salem, Oregon and go to Chemeketa Community College to see a weekly Fun Sized episode in their weekly newspaper!

Fun sized funny parenting comic family at table eating unhealthy hot dogs and burgers while mom eats organic grandfathered in

Episode 64

 

October 11, 2011 #63

This one of course I am guilty of, as with allot of parents out there.  It is very hard to get up and change out the dvd in the drive and takes allot of motivation.

Fun sized funny parenting comic son and dad watching same movie

Episode 63

October 10, 2011 #62

Fun sized funny parenting comic pregnant mom peeing herself gets lecture from daughter

Episode 62

This girl’s opinion seems very fair to me. It’s really such an injustice this is a double standard!

October 6, 2011 #60

Sometimes you have a lack of material to fill up those old baby books that your kids will no doubt want to dig out one day.  Honestly you have to improvise or else they will complain there is too much space left blank and call you a bad parent.

Fun sized funny parenting comic cartoon parents writing in baby book have no inspiration for cute things daughter says

Episode 60

October 4, 2011 #58

Today’s comic is posted super late, technically its after midnight so its not the 4th anymore but I’m cheating.   whatever right?

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Episode 58

October 3, 2011 #57

Happy October everybody!  The rain is coming and the leaves are falling and it’s all starting to feel all warm and fuzzy with all the warm and toasty fall drinks available at your local coffee joint.  I myself am going to enjoy every second of this nice Oregon Fall with my family before its all over.  Please enjoy today episode!

fun sized funny parenting comic couple at store shopping for baby things while mom judges them

Episode 57